*goes to england*
me: excuse me, what time is it?
brit: time wots that m8?
*big ben chimes*
everyone starts to count the bongs on their fingers*
brit: OI IT’S 7 BONG
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*on the phone with police after reporting a murder* no you hang up first
you’re an immortal, having lived for hundreds of years, and historians use you as first hand accounts of what happened all those years ago. couple of problems - you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, or dismissed world changing events as unimportant, so you’re just bullshitting every response you give
“Look mister, I am not saying this to bullshit you but.. You do realise that Steven Universe and every single Anime created was based on true events? And so were the Marvel movies”
“But… What happened to all that technology then? Where is it now”
I took a deep breath, this was my moment to shine and I sure as hell was going to take most out of this.
“Boy, have you ever wondered why certain series never got new seasons and why the stories were left unfinished?”
“N-”
“It’s because of the fact that the civilization of that era was destroyed. You are the new humanity, the humanity 3.0 that was born from the remains of the deeply traumatised survivors of the great space war and the apocalypse that destroyed everything from its path. You are the generation that to do as Tony Stark the Great once said, “Marvel, unfuck this mess” you are the new start of the humanity, a blank slate to start a new. And to not repeat the mistakes of the civilizations that had to fall. Now be a nice mortal and keep planting those trees”
“Where were you when all of these happened?”
“I was training the protagonists under disguises of Reborn, Fury Nick and so forth. At one time I was having gelato in Italy tho. Oh yes and I watched the ballet in China the other time. Now those trees won’t plant themselves chop chop, keep unfucking this mess dearie and yeet those seeds on the ground.”
